Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize