I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
