Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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