Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
