Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
