i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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