Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
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Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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