I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
