Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
