Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Randomize
