third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
