Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
