I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
