Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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