I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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