nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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