I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
