2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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