I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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