I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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