It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
