my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
