Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
