I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
