there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
