Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
