hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
