I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize