k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
