I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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