Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
