Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
