i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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