Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
