I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
