her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
