True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
