You really coming over, don't trick.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
