my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
