Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
