So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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