Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
