I just made out with a guy for $7.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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