When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She announced her abortion via fbk
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
