saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This house was built for laser tag.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
