I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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