i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
