You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
