Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
