Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
