Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
