I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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