WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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