Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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