In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
