so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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