we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
