I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
