He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Randomize
