I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
