I'm gonna have a badass scar
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
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I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
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True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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