I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
