Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
