my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize