Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
