oh god the rape fog is back!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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