hotel room ftw
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
